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The Regression Suite

by Kerry Logan

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1.
Regression 05:10
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I don't know (how) it slowly takes control It bubbles up inside and hollows out my mind All I see is what we used to be Every moment clear - I'm all alone I fear Come and see my mental home movies I never am the star - the villain though by far A good day can slowly waste away And all that it takes (is) regression into... Regression asks so much of me But, through it I'm finding out who I'm s'posed to be Look hard - the pain disguises the way home I'm growing, can't you see? I'm breathing off misery... My enemy my memory has turned out to be For me to learn and grow - this black pain I must know I will go on - I cannot stay down that long! But, why must it arrive? Regression into... Regression takes a shot at me But would it rip me apart - I won't wait 'round to see
2.
Regression II 04:30
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Gone. Confined to the past I had placed it here There was no more to fear Try to breath again... I could smell victory! I must leave the memory! I hadn't counted on you coming back to insert yourself into my mind The day of days was hollowed out I can feel the sensation coming back... Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory Regression it asked so much of me Waiting for it just to fall in front of me Regression it asked... Would you be the last? I must learn this past Another hear broke too fast I must make this learning last... I look up and look in There's no way out of this mess, unless I cease to regress "Hi" rubs salt in the wound But, the wound is closing to - there's not much the salt can do! I recommend to anyone a feeling just like this But, I've grown up and out No longer will I live this creed
3.
Regression³ 04:05
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Burn! The feeling it returns Another form My stomach churns Fright - awaken in the night The feeling drags all to our knees Make your first big new mistake Concern arise Life meeting death Pray you don't go down this way Affairs of heart Hard to replace Give it away Trust it away Know when to stay Not know to stay Retain! Duality remains The heart explodes Awaken death Refrain! Don't board the next train To let it die The eyes forget Enjoy the way We band to save Know it will waste Not know to wait
4.
Transition 06:44
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Wait... before it gets too late This powerless feeling is not my piece of fate Now I see, I think that this could be The temptation rising up to put my trust in me Looking inward I start to identify Sharp edges that must go Try to turn around again Make a massive change - deny the regression In my weakness You have strength But for that be, I must kneel And give it all away Lay my body down To be worked upon Unlocking doors that I barred up And leave no stone unturned For me to learn and grow This black pain I must know If I consider what I've lost I'll know how much I own...
5.
Progression 06:52
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Run the race into life There are hills and valleys along the way Pick your feet up - rise again You'll be floored many more times yet It's not the fastest or the highest You can't measure life from pace The only way into life Is intent to always move ahead one step at a time... Turn away into life Walk ahead to a light I know there is no other way Stand me up to the light I cast a shadow black as anything Stand me up to another man More oft than not I bet I'd pale against the human candle But, this I see is a part of me A need to measure when the measuring's done Just let it go - move on by One foot ahead of the other - go on, distance yourself We elect few that walk on by The race is won, we are sure of it We are deceptive in our size We are weighed, never counted When the end-line, I meet I will see a win I should never have For the sweat was never mine Once I knew this I only ran ahead step after step after step...
6.
2nd Transition 01:34
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7.
Transgression 05:01
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Father, hear these words brought from the hole I’m in Call to arms to level out the Transgression… yeah! One ear to the diagnostic whisperings A hole is found that will cause the end of things It’s not just the blood loss from the hole that stings So much more, the infection of guilt it brings! Discovering the fresh wound, I end its sin But I’m left with feeling faint – the drag begins Effectiveness lessens as I’m drawn within I can’t fight with parasites beneath the skin It envelops me – moves to sink its teeth I try to thrash against its theme, but I am left a reeling Will not allow myself to give it away Refuse to give in… fight on through the pain… It’s only with open eyes that I see I could never win this fight – stupid me As I fade, God kicks in, brings it peace Its only when I am strong that He feels weak There is now no condemnation for those who Are in Christ for he has met the debt of sin Father, hear these words brought from the hole I’m in Call to God to level out the Transgression… yeah!
8.
2nd Transgression 02:35
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9.
Trepidation 04:37
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With sudden panic I recall the dire state of others My trepidation at the reckoning A fear that I keep hidden underneath the surface Under my lazy Christianity For on the day of Sunrise, will I stand all alone? Or can I scrape a meager offering? I feel the pressure building – “I am responsible” Who can I drag next, kicking, screaming? God’s a big boy – He can handle All unbelief, all our scandal When all we know passes away He will gather all, will gather all I am blocked by people moving on, by all the changing weather By that the regular is comforting How can I plead the choices – to activate the hole To always pray to gather kindling? Does God not see panic? Surely I am not alone – There must be others out there struggling! I feel the pressure mounting – who is responsible?! The halls of men could soon be emptying… Wait for a world that cannot be The plan to separate all things Is it what we did? Is all-love hindered? I must trust that in the end I’ll see But – am I free?
10.
The Fourth Regression 05:43
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Forcing words that should not come Broke the line again have I Musing once more will take its place As I wait… I allow my heart to break, to weigh injury against the sand Conjuring to bring a new regression – another type I stir the broth; produce the words that paint me in a separate light All the while ignoring the person I was meant to be! Forced an outcome again Pushed a line up to its end I have learnt to cloud my virtue Too much I’m using my own strength… I’ve just seen a circle that would crush me if I dwell in there The fact that I must live this life again, again, again, again… It’s only now that I see it – the repetition’s crystal clear A disconnect that heralds: this is not the plan that God created!
11.
Reincarnation 05:14
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I just fell in line with another Someone old I'd put to the cover Not sure how useful it was To dredge him again It took four lots of wrong to discover That I liked to write of my lover Create another type of song Write it a hundred times... ...Give up! Now I see how much I can wither Make my spirit blister and splinter Not sure how useful it is Regress another time I see now the goals of another I see now how much I can cover Lift my eyes up from the page Write it a hundred days... ..,Get up! "Reincarnation is real. Not the 'I-was-Napoleon-in-a-former-life' crap or 'if-I-don't-behave-myself-I'll-come-back-as-a-turtle-or-something', but the idea that every year - every day! - you have the power to reinvent yourself, to become something new, something greater. You have the choice to cut off things that make you less than you ought to be and become 'reincarnated' as a new version of you, something closer to what God made you to be."
12.
Emancipation 01:12
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I don't know (how) I let it take control To always gaze inside It hollowed out my mind I have moved on Ironically with a song As beautiful as Your Size Progression into You Regression, it has no claim on me Now that I'm new again, I won't wait around to see Look how despite I found my way home I'm growing, can't you see Especially now I'm free...
13.
The Regression Suite 53:23
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I. Regression I don't know (how) it slowly takes control It bubbles up inside and hollows out my mind All I see is what we used to be Every moment clear - I'm all alone I fear Come and see my mental home movies I never am the star - the villain though by far A good day can slowly waste away And all that it takes (is) regression into... Regression asks so much of me But, through it I'm finding out who I'm s'posed to be Look hard - the pain disguises the way home I'm growing, can't you see? I'm breathing off misery... My enemy my memory has turned out to be For me to learn and grow - this black pain I must know I will go on - I cannot stay down that long! But, why must it arrive? Regression into... Regression takes a shot at me But would it rip me apart - I won't wait 'round to see II. Regression II Gone. Confined to the past I had placed it here There was no more to fear Try to breath again... I could smell victory! I must leave the memory! I hadn't counted on you coming back to insert yourself into my mind The day of days was hollowed out I can feel the sensation coming back... Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory Regression it asked so much of me Waiting for it just to fall in front of me Regression it asked... Would you be the last? I must learn this past Another hear broke too fast I must make this learning last... I look up and look in There's no way out of this mess, unless I cease to regress "Hi" rubs salt in the wound But, the wound is closing to - there's not much the salt can do! I recommend to anyone a feeling just like this But, I've grown up and out No longer will I live this creed III. Regression³ Burn! The feeling it returns Another form My stomach churns Fright - awaken in the night The feeling drags all to our knees Make your first big new mistake Concern arise Life meeting death Pray you don't go down this way Affairs of heart Hard to replace Give it away Trust it away Know when to stay Not know to stay Retain! Duality remains The heart explodes Awaken death Refrain! Don't board the next train To let it die The eyes forget Enjoy the way We band to save Know it will waste Not know to wait IV. Transition Wait... before it gets too late This powerless feeling is not my piece of fate Now I see, I think that this could be The temptation rising up to put my trust in me Looking inward I start to identify Sharp edges that must go Try to turn around again Make a massive change - deny the regression In my weakness You have strength But for that be, I must kneel And give it all away Lay my body down To be worked upon Unlocking doors that I barred up And leave no stone unturned For me to learn and grow This black pain I must know If I consider what I've lost I'll know how much I own... V. Progression Run the race into life There are hills and valleys along the way Pick your feet up - rise again You'll be floored many more times yet It's not the fastest or the highest You can't measure life from pace The only way into life Is intent to always move ahead one step at a time... Turn away into life Walk ahead to a light I know there is no other way Stand me up to the light I cast a shadow black as anything Stand me up to another man More oft than not I bet I'd pale against the human candle But, this I see is a part of me A need to measure when the measuring's done Just let it go - move on by One foot ahead of the other - go on, distance yourself We elect few that walk on by The race is won, we are sure of it We are deceptive in our size We are weighed, never counted When the end-line, I meet I will see a win I should never have For the sweat was never mine Once I knew this I only ran ahead step after step after step... VI. 2nd Transition VII. Transgression Father, hear these words brought from the hole I’m in Call to arms to level out the Transgression… yeah! One ear to the diagnostic whisperings A hole is found that will cause the end of things It’s not just the blood loss from the hole that stings So much more, the infection of guilt it brings! Discovering the fresh wound, I end its sin But I’m left with feeling faint – the drag begins Effectiveness lessens as I’m drawn within I can’t fight with parasites beneath the skin It envelops me – moves to sink its teeth I try to thrash against its theme, but I am left a reeling Will not allow myself to give it away Refuse to give in… fight on through the pain… It’s only with open eyes that I see I could never win this fight – stupid me As I fade, God kicks in, brings it peace Its only when I am strong that He feels weak There is now no condemnation for those who Are in Christ for he has met the debt of sin Father, hear these words brought from the hole I’m in Call to God to level out the Transgression… yeah! VIII. 2nd Transgression IX. Trepidation With sudden panic I recall the dire state of others My trepidation at the reckoning A fear that I keep hidden underneath the surface Under my lazy Christianity For on the day of Sunrise, will I stand all alone? Or can I scrape a meager offering? I feel the pressure building – “I am responsible” Who can I drag next, kicking, screaming? God’s a big boy – He can handle All unbelief, all our scandal When all we know passes away He will gather all, will gather all I am blocked by people moving on, by all the changing weather By that the regular is comforting How can I plead the choices – to activate the hole To always pray to gather kindling? Does God not see panic? Surely I am not alone – There must be others out there struggling! I feel the pressure mounting – who is responsible?! The halls of men could soon be emptying… Wait for a world that cannot be The plan to separate all things Is it what we did? Is all-love hindered? I must trust that in the end I’ll see But – am I free? X. The Fourth Regression Forcing words that should not come Broke the line again have I Musing once more will take its place As I wait… I allow my heart to break, to weigh injury against the sand Conjuring to bring a new regression – another type I stir the broth; produce the words that paint me in a separate light All the while ignoring the person I was meant to be! Forced an outcome again Pushed a line up to its end I have learnt to cloud my virtue Too much I’m using my own strength… I’ve just seen a circle that would crush me if I dwell in there The fact that I must live this life again, again, again, again… It’s only now that I see it – the repetition’s crystal clear A disconnect that heralds: this is not the plan that God created! XI. Reincarnation I just fell in line with another Someone old I'd put to the cover Not sure how useful it was To dredge him again It took four lots of wrong to discover That I liked to write of my lover Create another type of song Write it a hundred times... ...Give up! Now I see how much I can wither Make my spirit blister and splinter Not sure how useful it is Regress another time I see now the goals of another I see now how much I can cover Lift my eyes up from the page Write it a hundred days... ..,Get up! "Reincarnation is real. Not the 'I-was-Napoleon-in-a-former-life' crap or 'if-I-don't-behave-myself-I'll-come-back-as-a-turtle-or-something', but the idea that every year - every day! - you have the power to reinvent yourself, to become something new, something greater. You have the choice to cut off things that make you less than you ought to be and become 'reincarnated' as a new version of you, something closer to what God made you to be." XII. Emancipation I don't know (how) I let it take control To always gaze inside It hollowed out my mind I have moved on Ironically with a song As beautiful as Your Size Progression into You Regression, it has no claim on me Now that I'm new again, I won't wait around to see Look how despite I found my way home I'm growing, can't you see Especially now I'm free...
14.
Progression [Individual Edit] 06:58
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Run the race into life There are hills and valleys along the way Pick your feet up - rise again You'll be floored many more times yet It's not the fastest or the highest You can't measure life from pace The only way into life Is intent to always move ahead one step at a time... Turn away into life Walk ahead to a light I know there is no other way Stand me up to the light I cast a shadow black as anything Stand me up to another man More oft than not I bet I'd pale against the human candle But, this I see is a part of me A need to measure when the measuring's done Just let it go - move on by One foot ahead of the other - go on, distance yourself We elect few that walk on by The race is won, we are sure of it We are deceptive in our size We are weighed, never counted When the end-line, I meet I will see a win I should never have For the sweat was never mine Once I knew this I only ran ahead step after step after step...

about

In 2000 I wrote a song called Regression in an attempt to define a feeling where I felt trapped by the circumstances surrounding a messy relationship. Every time I tried to think of something else, I would 'regress' to the same point. I began creating the track with a FruityLoops piece that I had been playing with in early 2000 and, it being a five-beat, I wrote the rest of the song around it. (I inadvertantly 'borrowed' the main 5-beat riff from a Commodore64 theme tune written by Martin Galway - *urk!*) The next year I found myself drawn back into the same drama, the same regressive feeling, and I penned a second song as a part two, drawing further into the musical themes. When a different situation arose but led to the same feeling, I smelt a concept album and set out to create this - Teh Regression Suite.

Inspired by Dream Theater's Alcoholics Anonymous Suite, I set about writing a number of songs that would use the musical themes set up in the first track as their foundation and would allow me to explore a set of ideas lyrically. The eventual twelve tracks that are presented here are 12 movements of the same piece, a 53-minute-long song, written over 16 years, and recorded a'la Dream Theater across five albums (yet all presented here), released steadily since 2012.

The result is perhaps my most ambitious work yet and is distinct in that it is also the end of a very significant. In 2009 I looked at my list of about 170 songs and realised that I was continually writing with nowhere for the songs to be shown. I vowed not to write any more until I had recorded all of them. Over the past ten years, I have been furiously recording in an attempt to catch up. Now, at the tail end of 2019, I have completed my goal. The Regression Suite marks the end of my previous era: 29 years, 190 songs (I leaked 20 over the last ten years - sorry), and 69 albums. What follows...? Well, I guess I have to write an album to record it like normal musicians do...!

Enjoy.

credits

released December 13, 2019

Guitars, vocals, bass, piano, and programming: Kerry Logan, drums: Bobby Logan, backing vocals on Regression: Meghan Grant, Susanna Graham, and Karen Allen, spoken word on Reincarnation: Darth Jim McNaney.

All songs written by Kerry Logan and Martin Galway. Produced, engineered, and mixed by Kerry Logan. Recorded over the years(!) from 2009 to 2019 at Knox Studios, NNC, OHS, SBC, Knox Church, Noiseworks Hawera, and Poto Road. We are your cynosure. Enjoy!

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The RockLords New Zealand

A collective of 13 bands and artists that all form one musical family, ranging from jam sessions in lounges and garages in 1993 to full scale studio recordings and all that's in-between. Always interesting, and often amazing, please enjoy the RockLords! ... more

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